I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
