It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
