That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
