Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
