I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
