grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
