Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
