I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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