just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
