you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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