He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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