nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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