I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
