i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
