he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
