Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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