I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
