why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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