So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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