from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
