i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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