What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize