No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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