I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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