Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
