I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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