Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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