Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
