In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
