Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
