I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
