i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
