I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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