I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
