sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
