Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
