I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
