cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
