And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
