3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
