how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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