I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
