Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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