Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
