Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
