Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
