Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
