Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
