We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
