I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
