I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
