You're so nebulous sometimes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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