five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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