so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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