Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
