all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
